Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
