So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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