CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
