mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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