we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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