it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
