drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
