Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do vagina's smell?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
