i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
