Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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