Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
