remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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