I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
