I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
