I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
