when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
