you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
