i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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