If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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