K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
