if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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