it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
