So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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