Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
