The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
