I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize