at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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