So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
