Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
