is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
