imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
