when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
