During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
