every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
