I showed him my bush... on skype.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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