Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
