I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
