I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Iād clean the kitchen before making food. Mark ārang in the New Yearā with some rando in there last night
Randomize
