At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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