Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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