Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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