Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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