That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
