Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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