my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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