Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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