is your mom at the bar?
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
