yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
