He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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