im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
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No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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