She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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