You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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