my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
