Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
