Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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