I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
