He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
