i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
