OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
