it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
