I wish my penis had an off switch
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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