its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
