She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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