those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
