just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
