btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
