he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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