So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
