So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
