Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's never too late to be topless.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
