Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
