Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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