I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
