We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
