Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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