Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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