a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
