I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
