So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
