Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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